Blog

Cleveland Peeps I know I talk a lot about Atlantic City. But Listen up. This is your section. You have to make it a point to go to see Mamaí Theatre Company's production of Tennessee William's production of A Streetcar Names Desire. Do it. Boys: it's a cheap date night. Girls: the leading man is cute. Everybody: it is an impossibly difficult play done to perfection that you can see for twenty bucks. Go. Netflix will always be there. Shut it off.

http://www.mamaitheatreco.org/

Day #2 of Staycation 2015 my girlfriend took me on a tour of the Monopoly Board. We survived the sketchy parts of town. Plus we didn't get arrested driving through Marven Gardens. Which is the only space on the game board which is not in Atlantic City. It's on the boarder of Margate and Ventnor. Get it? Margate/Ventnor = Marven Gardens.

By the way. In case you are ever on Who Wants to Be a Millionare. Marven is spelled with an "i" in the game. Fail.

I am on a staycation this week with my girlfriend Jean. Seeing as we live next door to the Tropicana, I admit we are cheating quite a bit. But at any rate, it is a great thing to consider doing yourself. There's no packing or toll roads or maps or dirty bathrooms (Jean just cleaned ours) or flat tires or horrible roadside food. Yes. Did I mention no packing?

I hate packing. It brings out the best of my ability to procrastinate. I will balance my checkbook, clean out every junk drawer, and prepay next month's bills just to avoid throwing underwear and a toothbrush in a duffel bag. I suppose I don't like change.

"The Last Time I Saw You, You Were So Skinny." Yep. That's what a friend of the family said to me at my uncle's 80th surprise party. Also, real quick. Should you surprise an eighty-year-old? That could go either way. No?

Anyway, I cannot wait to get old so I can say whatever I want. "Yeah? Last time I saw you, you were blonde." How am I doin'?

I did something today that I haven't done in years. I said the Pledge of Allegiance. I took my mother to her 50 Plus Club. Before the head "Pluser" lead everyone in Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary (he knows the harmony), told us how much the pizza cost for this meeting ($88) and read the minutes of the last meeting (they made their own Sundaes), we said "it". 

I forgot how powerful the words in that speech are. I pledge allegiance...to the United States if America. Wow. They should make you recite this before you vote. Right at that moment do you pledge allegiance to all your candidate stands for?

I learned a couple more things today. One is there is a very low bar for public speaking on the senior set. The strong, black, wannabe guru of positivity simple read a top twenty list clearly right off the internet. "Teach someone something." "Give your clutter to charity." "Put money in a stranger's parking meter." At least there was pizza.

Secondly you need to watch who you sit with. An enterprising senior at our table went around and collected the table numbers at vacant tables to hedge our chances when the host randomly drew for who got to hit the salad table first. "Table 4", he said. "Let's go!" "I thought we were table 5, a countless lemming said. "Shut up. We are table 4." That's how you get to the ambrosia salad before it is gone folks! I pledge allegiance to Valerie and her republic at table 5...I mean 4.