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Killing It.

I just killed it at a great new club in town tonight. It felt great. And like a dream, the clubs' owner and general manager actually were nice! How's that comic friends? Yes. A nice, supportive club owner. Like the unicorn, the Jersey Devil and a Brown's Super Bowl win before him the impossible happened. "Do you want a drink or anything?" he said.

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Rich Attitude

I'm starting to think that being rich is a state of mind. Today I didn't work. But I did have all you can eat crab legs and see a national act after having a lovely Belvidere martini. All I spent were tips for all those things.


Meanwhile I know I have at least one friend who makes a pretty penny and sat home eating Ramon noodles botching about all she doesn't have. Bummer.

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Captive Audience

Today I will be appearing at a rehab center in Galloway, NJ. "There's a two Klonopin limit." But seriously laughter is the best medicine. Why do people say that? You think a couple of knock knock jokes is going to stop you from needed and emergency appendectomy? If a doctor ever says that to you please get a second opinion.


Finally! A captive audience! I will be cheering up patients with my comedy "practice" along with the Doctor of Comedy Jeff M. this evening from 6:00 to 7:00p. Patients, their family, friends and the general public are all welcome. Free! Free! Free! If you are not busy tonight and find yourself in Galloway, come help put a smile on the faces of folks on the come back. See you there!

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Monster Under the Bed

I put one of my dogs to sleep last week. His partner in crime, my dog Olive, is now acting weird. Today I got a call from my ex because she would not come out from under the bed. Not for food, the jangle of a leash or the promise of me coming over got her to move. Take my word for it. That is weird. Her not coming for food is like Chris Christie well not coming for food.


Can it be that I have one of those cute elderly couples on my hands? The wife dies and then three months later the husband says "fuck it" and dies too? I hope not. Because that shit is cute only when it is not your children. Trust me.

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The Suspicion of Customer Service

As I told you yesterday the power cord to my Mac started smoking. I took it to the Apple store a few blocks from my house. I was told I was out of warranty. However if I bought through the Genius Bar, I could have a $19 discount. The caveat to that is that if I take the discount, I only have a 90 day warranty instead of a year on the replacement charger. Now I may have to take the short bus to a regular bar, but it seems to me that skipping the warranty on something that may or may not catch fire is not a very good idea.


So today I call up Apple Support looking for a fight. I didn't get one. At first it was because I did not have Apple Care and unless I paid $29 to talk to someone the Siri-esque robo-voice was hanging up. But when I lied, I did apple, I lied to Siri and said I wanted to pay the $29 I was vectored through to a human. I quickly said "my power cord caught fire". THis is a tip for everyone. Apparently the words "your product" mixed with the word "fire" really get you some fine customer service.


They replaced it. For free. That's it. What's more I went to back to the store with my repair ticket number and instead of having Apple ship me one and me having to mail mine to them they exchanged it right at the store. I got just what I wanted and aside from about 4 hours of time it did not cost me a thing.


I was shocked. But what really shocked me is this sneaking suspicion that was way too easy. Why did they do that? Was there a recall? Was I entitled to more? Is there something wrong with my computer?


But that is the world we are living in. Gone are the days of quality customer service. We have to fight for every penny, every price match guarantee, every warranty. But today Mac Daddy had a soft spot for me. You might say I was the "Apple of his eye." That or they wanted rid of this old lady who was scaring off the millennials who came to the store to buy something. Either way thanks.


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Blog Author

Michelle Tomko's comedy is a fervent blend of tomboy sensibilities courtesy of the older brothers she grew up with in the Midwest and the barrage of perimenopausal chaos the East Coast world has heaped upon her. She pulls her humor from everyday observations and classic stories of family, travel, pets, and adversity. With razor-sharp crowd work and improvisational skills to the rock-solid timing of a veteran performer, Michelle’s act is not to be missed!

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