Phone: 609-287-6559

Email: michelletomko@hotmail.com

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Upcoming Events:

7/29 - Broadway Comedy Club NY, NY 10p.m.

 

Quit Before You're Fired

Is it me or has cable just quit? Given up. Because I am hunkered down for a hot date with Hurricane Joaquin, popcorn and not a thing I want to watch. I have been up and down the aisle. Reality shows about barbers, 15-year-old Law & Orders, and home shopping seem to be all that is onthe menu. Three hundred channels of crap, crap, crap.

 

I think cable knows the jig is up. It's over. It is going the way of the post office, the CD, and men letting women off the elevator first. I for one cannot wait. 

 

This won't be a children's hospital closing kids. If you doubt me just click on you Wifi icon and see how many signals you pick up. Now ask yourself the actual cost of all those signals. Not anywhere close to $69.99 I bet. It's worse if you live in a high rise. You know cable could make a mint just charging the building a lump sum. But no. We each need our own account.

 

Your days are numbered cable. Nothing gold can stay. Not even gold plated coaxial cables.

 

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Just a Drizzle

I'm so sick of how weather has become this drama on television. Like it is a character. It has a life of it's own. Super Storm, Noreaster. Please. I went out trick or treating in Cleveland when I was little in worse weather than these dramatic drizzles.

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Storm Season

I am about to live through (I assume - I'm using The Secret) my first hurricane season. I'm a dozen floors up. So unless Hurricane Joaquin is going to look like something from The Day After Tomorrow, I should be okay. I'm also thrilled that I don't have any dogs to walk this week.

 

Did you ever try to walk a dog in this weather? Dogs sprout an iron bladder when it is raining. They look at you like you are trying to take them to the vet. Plus like a master procrastinator they take a half hour to do what they can do naturally on a sunny day in two minuts. I love dogs.

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Bully

I learned from a friend of mine that there are four ways to get bullied. Well not bullied exactly by the standard definition. What I really mean that there are four ways that we can be manipulated. Or more precisely our energy can get stolen.

 

1. POOR ME
The “Poor Me” is passive-aggressive and the most secretly manipulative of the four styles. This person will portray a false sense of being a victim in order to appeal to another person’s compassion, guilt or obligation through the manipulation of their sympathies. You know the one. "I don't have anywhere else to turn." "I never get a break." "I can't." Think George Costanza on steroids. Or think poor, single mother who is fishing for her family to be sponsored for the xmas season. "But come on. It's xmas."

2. ALOOF
The “Aloof” is just less passive and manipulative than the “Poor Me,” but way more secretive. The “Aloof” approach is to create a vagueness and facade around themselves, forcing an undeserved investment of energy to gain information, commitment and emotion which should normally be shared in a straight-up, direct way. That kid in high school in the black t-shirt that is constantly flipping his hair. He is not mysterious ladies. He just doesn't know how to have a conversation.

3. INTERROGATOR
More aggressive but less manipulative than the two passive-secretive types, the “Interrogator” uses this style of drama by evaluating and asking questions with the specific purpose of finding something wrong or corrupt. Okay so you are telling a joke or a funny story and this gal is the one who is always trying to undermine you by being a fact checker. "Really? You literally tried to do it a THOUSAND times?" No asshole. We are trying to live in a society here with fun, lighthearted, turns of phrase. Knock it off.

4. INTIMIDATOR
“Intimidators” are the most aggressive of the four types. Their presence is well stated and felt and there is a threatening air of danger conveyed from them. They are unpredictable and can threaten, use harsh words and abusive actions uncontrollably. They will demonstrate a capacity for rage or violence. This is the person in the group with the death stare. The one that everyone else coddles in order to keep peace. "Great idea." "Good job." "That's so funny." Whatever. I can stare too. Also based on my experience, this bunch can be comprised of the other three when their home tactics epic-ally fail.

 

This was really valuable information for me to have. I am grateful to have gotten it. It came in handy today. I don't know quite which category this falls under. But I am glad for my training which caused me to recognize it. Maybe we need a new category because of our various messaging technology. I call it the passive-agressive-cyber-invitation-message or PACIM. 

 

How it works is someone fishes for an invitation to be entertained with vague message about your location: Hey I'm in the neighborhood. Call me if you want to do something later. Call me old fashioned. But this is NOT an invitation. This is a veiled attempt to get ME to entertain YOU! An invitation is: Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. I'm going to be in your neighborhood in a few days. I would love to take you for a drink if you are free. How about we meet at the diner on your street at 6 o'clock?

 

Look. There is nothing wrong with being direct. "I would like to see you. I am happy to make the arrangements." "I need a place to crash tonight. Is that okay with you?" "Sorry to bother you. I need a favor." "I need bail money...now!" And there is nothing wrong with me saying "No" either. But technology has equipped us with this huge set of cyber-balls that make us feel like we are puppet masters who can manipulate and bully a situation just by writing LOL after whatever we write. Un-uh. Leave my energy alone pals. 'Cause I got real balls and I am not afraid to use them. LOL.

 

 

 

 

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Fall Into Something

I learn so much from my hippie-dippie freinds. Last week I learned all about the fall equinox. Do you know that the Fall Equinox (or Spring, or Summer/Winter Solstice) is a time that you can manefest things into your life. Think of these times as when the wave of life is at its crest. Don't think you missed out on it either because you weren't dancing naked in the moonlight on September 23rd either. The energy is high a few days after too. So wish away! Google it. It is a real thing. http://horizonsmagazine.com/blog/three-fall-equinox-rituals/

 

Although I do learn a lot. I must admit that the more schools of thought I am introdiced to, the more it really seems to be the same. The Secret is Tony Robbins is Deepak Chopra is pick a guru. But even though, hearing it a different way helps. It does. And it is sure better than listening to Donald Trump or Chris Christie. No? Maybe if they danced naked in the moonlight.

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Blog Author

Michelle Tomko's comedy is a fervent blend of tomboy sensibilities courtesy of the older brothers she grew up with in the Midwest and the barrage of perimenopausal chaos the East Coast world has heaped upon her. She pulls her humor from everyday observations and classic stories of family, travel, pets, and adversity. With razor-sharp crowd work and improvisational skills to the rock-solid timing of a veteran performer, Michelle’s act is not to be missed!

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