Blog

Basket in China
Rabbit thinks "Why I have eggs?"
Says "Hoppy Easter."

"Hello. Happy Easter."
"Thanks. You too."
"That wasn't for you. A guy coming out of the post office wished me a happy Easter."
"Yeah. We don't do that here."

I found myself multitasking at the post office mailing thank you notes from my father's wake and talking on my cell phone to my girlfriend in New Jersey. As I approached the front door, an elderly man with a veteran ball cap on came out of the door. He looked me right in the eye and greeted me with a wish for a happy Easter. I replied and had to explain on the phone what I had just said. She laughed about how that isn't done in the New York/New Jersey area.

But it's true. First of all the person coming out of the post office door most likely would have been on their own cell phone. Secondly the paranoia brought about by the PC Police would have likely caused the veteran to say "Happy Holiday" if anything over wanting to exclude a Passover celebrant. And lastly speaking to a stranger most of the time just causes the woman to grip her purse strap a bit tighter thus defeating the purpose of all politeness.

I remember one of my college professors saying that in Cleveland if someone says something nasty to you it ruins your whole day. And if somebody says something nice to you in New York it ruins your whole day. We all joke about how things slow down as you move from east to south about the country. But maybe it is not from people moving slower but from people having a sense of community, taking time to say hello and being mindful of one another. Maybe I will take a little of that back east with me when my trip ends. 

It did however take two hours to eat at Red Lobster on Good Friday. So everything in moderation I guess.

When did it become permissible to speak without a whisper, perhaps dare I say in outside voice, in the library?  If this is not a sign of the collapse of our society I don't know what is. Who is to blame? Is it the internet? Miley Cyrus? Antibiotics in the chicken? All I know is if this isn't stopped people will be flag-burning and hanging their toilet paper in the rebellious "under" manner before we know it.

I'm not talking about a father lovingly reading a book to his toddler either. The other day three teens were playing videos on a phone while pounding out a rap beat on the table top. All this was happening within the earshot of four librarians who did nothing. At this particular tax-dollar-guzzling branch in Bedford I counted a half dozen employees. Now you would think that somebodie's job description would have the word "shhhhh" in it. But no. That is until a brave senior citizen complained. Atta boy Pops. Don't mess with a veteran trying to save a dollar on the newspaper. But what was the sanction? They moved to another table where they were just as loud. When I think of all the reprimands, the shushes, the missed gold stars, and recess sanctions handed out at St. Mary's for talking in the library I am just sickened. 

It's not just in Ohio either. At my local library in Absecon, New Jersey it is regular practice for the golden girls who man the front desk to fill out the crossword puzzle community style in full voices. So who is going to take a "SHHHHH" from them? What's a four-letter word for discourteous? 

I'm cleaning out my childhood home. It's tough to know what to save and what to throw out. Some things are easy. Class ring and photos - keep. Teal pumps from the 80's and 6th grade report cards - shuck. But then the ADD kicks in. So does the fear of identity theft. Then you find yourself leafing through get well cards from 1990 and gift bags you hoarded in the guest closet vowing to reuse.

I'm reminded of some of my favorite words from my hero George Carlin. "Have you noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?" Nobody said it better than him. So tonight he speaks for me. Enjoy the master. Signed the Grasshopper.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4x_QkGPCL18

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