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About four or five times a year I get into a fight at the poker table. I find the whole notion of that kind of behavior very unbecoming to a lady of my stature. But today was just one of those days. 

And speaking of my stature, of course when the Costanza-esque, ill-witted, bald man ran out of things to say pertaining to the actual poker hand that upset him, he commented on my looks. So forget the fact that he was down three bills in a $2-$4 limit game. Also forget that the play I made was textbook correct. And try to forget the fact that he wasn't even in the said hand! But do remember to ask yourself why you don't see men (correction straight men) calling each other fat or ugly when they are arguing. Also be curious about how a man has the gusto to call a woman ugly or fat without fear of reprisal when he is fatter and uglier than the woman he is exchanging barbs with.

It's the old "look at how big Hillary's calves have gotten" defense. And it happens all the time. This loser on some level must have the notion that he is not a good-looking guy. I know this because he actually said "My girlfriend doesn't look like you. You wanna see a picture?" So apparently the logic is you can be bald with a huge nose as long as you have a passable girlfriend. And a picture of her. Now forgive me. Because when Doug would do this on The King of Queens, I thought we were all in on the joke. I guess not.

Also boys, FYI, we gals downplay our looks big time to play poker. Because we don't want you hitting on us. I remember my friend telling me that the only time she wears her wedding ring is when she is at the poker table. Does that tell you anything?

I declined to look at his picture. But I do remember the episode of Seinfeld where George carries a picture of a girl he doesn't know to get models to go out with him you vapid idiot. It's either that or he just ran into the other champion of this sort of injustice: Low Self-Esteem Lass. She s a super hero to these types of guys. She cooks. She cleans. She...settles in a single's bound. Wake up girls and get a cat. He's just not worth it.

P.S. I would have posted a picture of him. But he seems like a guy that sues.

Back at the beginning of April I shared an entry from my journaling class. To write it I used the prompt of "compose a letter to your younger self" as my theme. I think it came out great. But you can judge for yourself.

    http://www.michelletomko.com/blog/dear-little-big-me

Tonight I showed the exercise to my women's group. They loved it and did well. It struck a chord with a lot of the women. Some of them even read theirs allowed. I was impressed. You should try it. It is very cathartic and not just for celebrities anymore.

I remember reading one that Mindy Kaling, the Indian woman on The Office, had written. It was for Peopleor Parade Magazine. Hey, when you gotta go, you grab any rag. But I thought it was neat. When it turned up in journaling class I thought it was fate. When I grabbed an old, half-empty notebook to tear pages out of for my group I was shocked to find my own letter to my future self from 1988!

So I guess it is not a new idea. But it is worth passing on. What a wonder to think about how different our lives would be. But maybe not. Maybe each new paradigm creates a new set of problems. Look at Estelle Getty and her book If I Knew Then What I Know Now...So What? So who do we believe? A Golden Girl or the gal who slapped Michael Scott on Diversity Day.

The More You Know... (cue music)

Today is making me very reflective about the mother figures in my life. Among them is my Aunt Mitzie who I affectionately refer to as Auntie M. There is my friend Christine who is only a few years older than me but who I go to for all manners of advice. And there are my South Jersey gurus too numerous to mention. 

There are also a slew of women I know who have not birthed any babies. But they are maternal in their own right. They rescue animals. They look out for their friends. They adopt. They care for the environment so it is here for the next generation. Or they take care of their own mothers. 

I'm in this group. I'm part of the village. I remember Christine asking me how I didn't feel my biological clock ticking. "We are built for this", she said. I replied simply. "I think "I think I was born with a sundial." But I do babysit, make balloon animals for the kids at church, and I teach. 

I'm also reflective of women in "the village" more deserving of recognition today than the mothers who use their children as weapons or props or to get on public assistance. So choose wisely who you honor today. A loose vagina isn't the only sacrifice that qualifies you for Mother's Day. 

While others religious folks are getting ready to atone for their sins I am just getting back from a jewelry workshop and am on my way to a wine tasting. If you have grown weary from bible thumping Unitarian Universalism may be for you. 

Alright so one kid is allergic to peanuts so you cant bring any into the building. And all the potlucks have to include some vegan selections. but that's a small price to pay for not getting burned at the stake and getting to attend some great service auction outings like the ones listed above. 

I'll have to finish this later. My friend just sent me a kayaking trip in the mail. What joy!

I started playing poker early today at the Borgata. I made a stupid call and lost some money. But then I hit three-of-a-kind and got it all back. Then I switched tables and didn't hit any cards and lost that same money again. But guess what? I won it back and then some. 

If you ask any gambler they will tell you that getting even feels almost better than actually winning. There is just something about getting back something you lost. Especially if it is unjust. (It should be noted that if you ask any gambler they will tell you they have always lost unjustly.)

It's funny to me how the poker table is a clearly a microcosm for the big bad world. A couple years ago I took a gamble and lost a lot that was very important in my life. But then I caught lucky and got it all back and then some. I am blessed beyond belief. My friends swooped in and lifted me up. My family went to bat for me. And most importantly I got to weed out people who were not contributing positively to my life. 

Plus today is the two-year anniversary of when I started dating my shrink, the president of my fan club, and my personal hero. I got it all back. And it's the best feeling in the world.