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Alright Mr. Universe. Where are ya? I am putting myself out there and getting great feedback. But I'm running short on gigs. Wait. Let me be clear. I am running short on paying gigs. There is always some charity walk or birthday party that can't wait to book me. I have done the work and worked The Secret. So pay your Karma tab already would ya?

If not for me, then do it for the legions of fans (ok 178) who read my blog every day. I am running out of things to talk about. It's like Superman not having any burning buses of school children to save. What? Too much? Ok. Well it's at least like the Long Island Medium not having any store clerks to make cry. Either way please advise.

Your pal,

Michelle

One of the first things that you do when you are spring cleaning in purge the files. Especially today with identity theft being a legitimate occupation it is more important than ever to shred. I got all organized and filed a box of little pieces of my paper history to take to Green Fest in my neighborhood. But the truck never showed. WTF? Talk about your trust issues being tested. The company hired to destroy items containing sensitive information just had a no show.

It's amazing to think that such security measures need to be taken with tax returns from 2001, expired coupons, and tons of Capital One exclusive offers. What makes me authorized to have exclusive offers? The fact that I have a mailbox? "What's in your junk box?" Really Capital One. Take the hint would ya? You're like Duckie from Pretty in Pink. Knock it off. 

I ended up having a fire with friends. Turning a negative into a positive. Plus junk mail makes great kindling. But it's a pain in the ash.

I did something super rare for me today. I took a nap. Even when I was a child I never slept. I remember watching Carson and Benny Hill in the third grade on a school night. Remember when TV told you when to watch something?

As I have gotten older my anxiety usually had me tossing and turning. But today my body just had a system crash. Boom. I'm getting older. A lot of chaos is happening around me. Michelle fall down now. It's actually a really good feeling. Unless of course it's due to an diagnosed thyroid or diabetic problem.

Today as I found myself knee deep in the worst stress of all, CHANGE, I found myself able to rise above it -literally. I felt like I was floating above watching the sitcom that is my life. Don't worry. I didn't burst intoDefying Gravity from Wicked as I shredded my old mail. But I am seeing things clearer now. But quick question. Who gives me my chocolate milk and saltines like Mrs. Green gave me in kindergarten afterthe otherkids napped in the afternoon?

George Carlin was right.
I see now as packing starts.
My stuff became junk.

Well that's what I get for trying to get a real job. You would think that I would learn.

So I go on a job website that is sponsored by the state government of New Jersey with the false sense of security that it is legit. Because if you can't trust the government who can you trust right? But what happened instead is this old fogy got roped into a sales pitch from Will (if that is his real name) at Gigats. That's right. I apply for a local copy editor position and instead my new, mousy buddy Will gets to asks me if I have considered furthering my education. WTcyberF?

So stay away from http://www.gigats.com or any form that pops up with their name on it when applying for a job. Or better yet call them everyday and clog their system with stupid questions. Ask for Will. He's a fan of circular logic. 

I tell ya. You can't even trust the Better Business Bureau anymore. I looked up Gigats on their site. Do you know the score of a company who has had 56 complaints in the last three years? An A-. Perfect. I wonder what Enron got.