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Email: michelletomko@hotmail.com

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Judgment is a Drag.

Thank you Ru Paul’s Drag Race for reiterating the importance of not judging others. I catch the irony that this program is an adjudicated reality show. But none the less, the lesson here, for old queens and new, is that as soon as you critique somebody else, you put your own feet up in the proverbial glass house.

At the end of the runway this episode Ru asked the contestants why they should be crowned over their competition.  The final four broke down into two factions – the old and the new. There is yet more irony here as the age difference between the warring factions is 22 and 33. As the “older” queens attacked their younger counterparts, 33-year-old Kennedy Davenport used the word condone twice while I believe she meant to use the word conduct. As in to conduct oneself professionally. Irony.

But it is nothing new, to me anyway. As a performer you get judged all the time. Years ago I was judged by folks who inserted themselves into my personal life. They did not like my behavior onstage nor off. The issue is that the folks judging me had their own issues like adult children that didn’t speak to them, horrible job reviews, multiple bankruptcies and failed marriages. How did I come to know these judgmental people? A spiritual group of course! That’s another lesson folks. You can’t escape the human condition.

So check yourself Kennedy and others like you. Because it is my sincere hope that bookers will not "condone" the way you spoke to a fellow queen and also not condone you being hired anywhere. Learn to conduct yourself better – especially at the library honey. IJS

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Rainy days and Thursdays...

I don't know what is happening to me in my old age. But when it is a wet, dreary day I practically understand the urge to go in the bathroom and start cutting like a goth teenager. I used to love when it rained when I was younger. I don't what changed.  Perhaps the shift in attitude has to do with wanting to jump in puddles. My sense of wonder went out with my last pair of goulashes I guess.

I remember loving the rain. The sound of it, the fresh air afterwards, the warmth and renewal of the first glimpse of sun afterwards all promised clean, fresh renewal. Now I just don't want to get my Coach bag wet.

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Crazy Asian Haiku

Flopped a straight. All in.

Asian pocket kings - no club. 

Runner runner boat. 

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Getting left back a year.

My friend told me today that there are no mistakes in life, just lessons to be learned. "Well said", I told her. "But why do you feel the need to repeat the same lesson you learned last year?"

I now notice the patterns that we all repeat. Of course we expect different results. When things go wrong for me I often feel like they should not have. That the horrible circumstances that ensued defied all logic. "How could this happen?" As if to say that stove didn't look hot. It can't be hot every time. Can it?

Patterns are hard to break too. We are creatures of habit as they say. We like to play our roles. Well I have decided that I am horribly miscast. And I am not going to be left back a year like my friend. I'm moving on up...Weezie. 

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Don't Go to the Hardware Store for Bread.

My wise friend taught me a quote yesterday. "Don't go to the harware store for bread." I don't know who said it. Only that they use it in 12-step circles. What does it mean? It means you are not going to find a crusty loaf of marble rye in aisle eight by the caulk guns. It also means you will never get an apology from the family member who has never apologized in decades. Know where you are shopping. An know what you are shopping for. Or else you will be very disappointed. Or have a very blood spot on your wall from banging your head against it. 

This is a hard lesson to learn. Yet we get examples of it every day. People are romantically interested in us that we cannot return the attention too. We don't have the desire to pinch the cheeks of our grandparents. And if you just don't like wearing make-up, no amount of free samples will change your attitude. 

I think it is a great quote. I am going to be careful where I shop from now on. I am going to go to stores that have exactly what I want, right in the first row, always on sale...or free. Even if I would rather be someone else's customer. I am choosing wisely from now on.

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Blog Author

Michelle Tomko's comedy is a fervent blend of tomboy sensibilities courtesy of the older brothers she grew up with in the Midwest and the barrage of perimenopausal chaos the East Coast world has heaped upon her. She pulls her humor from everyday observations and classic stories of family, travel, pets, and adversity. With razor-sharp crowd work and improvisational skills to the rock-solid timing of a veteran performer, Michelle’s act is not to be missed!

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